Peach's Blonde Adventure to Brawl
by IamHappyPlease
Summary: Peach enters the battlefield by mistake in some...interesting turn of events.
1. Chapter 1: Old Man Rape

Ughhh...where am I? And where is my castle? In the name of turnips, what is this place?  
A midair chunk of...land...? Three floating platforms...? Well, they have great taste in colors!! I mean it is SOO cute!!

What? Oh yeah! Where am I?? I proceed to walk across the path until I notice a strong warrior-type; sword and all.  
"Hello!" I say in my best sweetie, type voice.  
"..." The young, handsome man in green refused to reply.  
"...Hello?" I try again hoping for a better response.  
"..." Again, nothing.  
"The quiet type, eh?" I really wanted to go back to my castle, so I think I know how to deal with HIS type. "Hehehe, you shy about little ol' me?" I say making sure for view of my cleavage is shown, Mario wasn't near by anyways...

What in the name of the Mushroom Kingdom is wrong with him?? I sigh and proceed to due my royal ballerina crotch kick. He dodged it though.  
"Who do you think you ARE??" I proceed to dash towards the manwhore (which is hard in high heels...) and managed to grab his collar.  
"Listen you! I'm the princess of the Mushroom Kingdom, I'm not sure who you are, you.  
you...ughhh!! I suggest you escort me out of here, for you own good!! You don't want to see me in an even ANGRIER mood!!" With that, I flick my ass on him and wait.

After a moment of silence (noooo...he spoke!!/sarcasm) he got out this huge, round ball and threw it at me. I quickly accepted by opening my mouth until I realized it was a bomb;  
I quickly float out of the way managing to land in front of a ninja with the biggest bulge ever!! "Suh-WEEE33EEET!!" I say, as I proceed to show my cleavage once more.

"What?" I say out loud as the ninja transformed into a woman. Oh my gosh!! A hooker!  
I let out a yelp as the slut proceeded to follow me in her hooker boots.

"Help!" I yelp as I ran as fast I could. I manage to hide behind a rock, while the hooker struggled to see where I went. "Whew!" I let out a sign of relief, as I was failed to be spotted. After a few moments I mad dash to a different part of the land, hoping for help. I spot this bulky old man running at me, who was ugly as Bowser's small, litt--

"Woah there!" I say as my train of thought was terminated by the tard trying to grab my Toad-hider. He fell on his stomach when I notic he has an even huger bulge than the ninja-whore. I then quickly think of the perfectest scheme EVAR I have thought in my blonde life!  
"Listen...let's say we make a deal...if you get me out of this place I'll"--with this I bend over and wink--"give, or do, anything your ugl--I mean HAWT butt wants!!" He looked convinced; I held out my hand for a shake in agreement--but instead he just tackled me.

"Mother--!!" I stuggled to scream, but was muffled by his think clothing. "OLD MAN RAPE!!"


	2. Chapter 2: Royally Screwed

As the old man-dude was doing stuff not suitable for "PBS Kids Mushroom Network",  
I refused and struggled whereas I remembered my fateful companion, safe in sound in my crotch. Yep. You guessed it: the damn bastard Toad! I found him snuggin' up against my va-jay-jay and my pair of perfectly pale pinky-pink prissy princess panty-panties (try saying that three times fast)!

"EAT GAY FROG, NIGGA!" I screamed as I slapped his skin cancer affected "post-Michael-  
Jackson-appearance-change" nose. He was shot off into the sky never to be seen again and I immediately took off on foot. 'Ugh...', I wondered. 'Can this vortex vacation do any good?' Well, I found out the answer soon enough...it was "YES"!

"OH MY FREAKUM DRESS, IT'S KATHY GRIFFIN!!!" I yelled in delight as, there she was:  
botox, saggy boobs and red hair 'n' all.

"Hey hey hey! Where are my gays at?!" Kathy exclaimed at my presence.

"Oh, I'm not a lesbo...but I can if you wa---" I was cut off by a certain thing jerking up amongst the crotch-area of my dress. Kathy shot her eyes towards my crotch. Damn toad!

"Oh it isn't what you think! I'm not like Cher or anything..." Oh, crap...I can't hook up with Griffin anymore...I'm royally screwed!!


End file.
